I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
