I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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