So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
