Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
