I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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