I can't breathe out the right side of my face
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
