remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
