obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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