Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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