I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
40s are totally the cure
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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