i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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