Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
