nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
