i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
