Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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