Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
