Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
