i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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