when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
