Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
