Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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