Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
