nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
