You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
