hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
