I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
