no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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