I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
