dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
