If that was your dad, he is hot
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
