Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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