I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
