dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
