i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
