Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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