you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
