TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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