If that was your dad, he is hot
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
