Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
