Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
