When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
