my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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