just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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