i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
