Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I smell stomach acid.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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