Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The Olympian is in my bed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
