alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dicks are not precious.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
