he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
