so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
