Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
