see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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