you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
