now i know why i became what i already was.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
