I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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