a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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