I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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