I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
