the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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