happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
